I heard a rumor that you wear shades to dim those bright prospects. That true?
May 31, 2009
May 28, 2009
Things I Will and Will Not Do for Sex
Will Do: Travel 10,000 miles.
Won’t Do: Travel 10,000 miles with an expectation that I’m supposed to be good.
May 26, 2009
Tip of the Day
Redheads will induce physical harm if left ignored. It’s best to heed their advice while quietly muttering curses under your breath.
April 28, 2009
Daily Thanks
Today’s Daily Thanks goes to; My West African art class. Cheers to you for being the last academic hurdle of my life. Graduation smells like the not so distant.
April 27, 2009
Tip of the Day
Avoid ironing your clothes while you’re wearing them. Not only does it leave the imprint of your chest hair, it also encourages a probable Darwin Award sometime in your near future.
April 26, 2009
Inspiring Daily Correspondence
My pretzel bag: you can eat more because of all the holes.
Me: stunned silence.
April 25, 2009
Things I will and will not do for sex
Will do: lay naked on fake mink carpet while describing the difference between modernism and post-modernism.
Won’t do: honestly, not much.
April 24, 2009
Daily Thanks
Today’s Daily Thanks goes to; Bud Light. You turn my strangely aggressive streak today into calm hilarity. Cheers to you for tasting slightly like bananas.
April 22, 2009
Text Message Labor
Sister – I’m at the hospital having Caroline.
Me – amazing! You be fucking careful!
Sister – oh I’m good, just had an epidural.
Me – can you get a doggy bag of that for me?
Sister – why?
Me – you know, just for kicks.
Sister – are you drunk? (goes and has a baby)
Caroline Rose Cotton, born April 21, 2009!
April 21, 2009
Open Apology to My Three Readers
So guess what I did with my hiatus? Wrote a thesis, put up a gallery show, passed my oral exams, sleighed a dragon, ate a porcupine, solved a crisis, beat up the sun, slapped billy bob thorton, slept with no one (damn it), developed a cow friendly means to make cheese (it involves using goats), discovered Geep, talked to Krys 397 times, developed a case of the unemployments, punked out Girl, banned red staplers for fear of fire, removed a hang nail, attempted and failed a hoax, told a story about vampire bats, ate 400 bean burritos with no onions.
To make up for my absence, I will be posting everyday this week. I will woo you with attempts at K’naan-esque lyrics and subtle melodies reminiscent of Bill Withers. I may or may not try to seduce you. It’s been awhile folks.
